That Explains a Lot

In general, I don't like parenting books. I haven't read one since Noah was a baby. Every now and then I'll google an issue and read an article here and there, but that's about it. I just find that they all contradict each other and only serve to confuse or make you feel like a crappy parent. I know I'm a good mom, so I don't like reading things that make me feel otherwise. Anyway, we do however have a series of books by Armin A. Brott that Ben starting buying when I was pregnant with Noah and we've kept buying them because they're great. (The Expectant Father, The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year, The New Father:A Dad's Guide to the Toddler Years). The author basically just explains normal behavior for each age and gives a run-down of what the child and parents may be going through. And he has good advice without being all preachy and annoying. We've found him to be pretty much dead-on.

For instance, we read this paragraph in his toddler book recently:

Like their teenage counterparts, "first adolescents" [the author's term for late-2/early-3 year olds] are incredible know-it-alls. But the veneer of confidence is pretty thin. "It helps to remember that the child is bossy not because he is sure, but actually because he is unsure," write Ames and Ilg. "The world still seems big and dangerous to him. If he can command even a small part of it (his parents), it helps him to feel secure." . . .

Your "first adolescent" is still quite negative and contrary. But it's critical to keep in mind that her negativity is part of an important developmental stage. "The first step toward a positive self-identity and sense of selfhood is a negative self-identity, a negation of the values and desires of his parents," writes psychologist Fitzhugh Dodson.

This pretty much sums up a big part of Noah's attitude as of late. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G we say is contradicted. We ask him to do something, he says, "No, I don't want to." We say no, he says, "Yes, I can!" I even said to him the other day, "Noah, you have such a cute face," and he said, "No, I DON'T have a cute face!" It literally does not matter what we say - he will respond obstinately with the opposite. My parents got a big kick out of this when we were visiting last month, and it CAN be funny. Especially when he disagrees with something so obviously right, ("It's really hot today." "No, it's NOT really hot today!," insisted as he's sweating in the heat). But it can also be unbelievably frustrating at times. I mean, the person I talk to the most every day disagrees or argues with almost everything I say. That can get exhausting.

At least now I've got a good explanation.

(I should note, though, that I just asked him if he loves his mama, expecting to get a funny, typical contradictory response, but the little sweet thing said, "Yes, I do love my mama. And I love my daddy too. And I love Peanut too." Just when you're about to tear your hair out with a 3-year-old, he goes and says or does something that makes you just want to gobble him right up.)