(My friend asked me a question in a comment she left on one of my recent posts. My answer was too long for the comments section, so I wrote this post instead).
Two years ago (almost exactly) I wrote on my blog about how I can't stand the "Mommy Wars" between stay-at-home moms and working moms. How I think both sides need to stop being so judgemental about the other, etc, etc. It was written long before I became a working mother myself. Now that I have been on both sides, I feel even more strongly that we all just need to realize that the grand majority of mothers - working or not - are truly doing the very best they can and want nothing but the best for their children.
I have been priveleged to know many fabulous mothers in my life. My own mother, my sister, my sister-in-laws, my friends, my co-workers. I know for myself that I try to be the best mom I can possibly be to my two little boys. I love them so much it's almost absurd and everything I do and every decision I make is done with their best interests in my mind and heart. This was no more true when I was a stay-at-home mom than it is now, as a mother who works full-time. My children are healthy and happy and loved and well-cared for. This was no more true when I was a stay-at-home mom than it is now. I work very hard and I believe I have a lot to contribute. This was true then, and it's true now. And while I know I can only actually speak for myself, my observations of both the SAHMs and the working moms in my life have been very similar.
I think it's easy to pass judgement on those who make choices different than our own. But life is hard and we are all feeling our way. And we can make choices that we feel are right without thinking less of those who choose differently.
All in all, I think women need to be nicer to each other.
(Having said all this, I wonder how much of this "mommy war" crap is fueled by the media. In my personal experience, this is not really an issue I've dealt with in real life, on an individual level. The SAHMs I know don't sit around bashing working mothers, nor do the working mothers I know sit around disrespecting SAHMs. I guess we're all too busy living our lives and being good moms.)
You can read my original post here:
The Feminine Mistake
Sunday, March 28, 2010
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3 comments:
agreed that every one is just trying the best they can. when i was living in california and choosing to stay at home, i got a lot of flack for not trying to do both--work and be a mom. i wished then that i could have been respected for just being at home. i feel like people here respect that choice as much as they respect the working mom's choice. so, i guess what i'm saying is that the judgment passed might depend on where you live.
Wanna hear something funny? I commented on the first post, too. I guess I just didn't realize that mommy wars are still raging. Ive only had one experience, 10 years ago, and i just thought it was that one lady being judgemental (a personality trait she had obviously spent time developing). Guess I was right.
Amen! I love your view, Amy. I was recently reading a very cheesy self-help book, but it had a great section on guilt. We shouldn't feel guilty about our past decisions because we were just doing the best we could. I love how you applied that concept to motherhood! Oh, the mommy wars are very much alive. Unfortunately, I really see it with my LDS friends being against working moms. When I mentioned recently to a friend that I might go back to work part-time, she wrote me an email that actually said she and her husband really worried about the state of the world because some moms just don't want to be around their kids. I'm in a different situation than anyone else and am a different person; it shouldn't be hard for people to understand that I might do things differently than they do.
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